Bitcoin. It’s On.

What the heck is Bitcoin?
How do I Bitcoin
Hmmm, seems complicated.
My head hurts, I need a break.
Do you have the orange pill?

WHAT THE HECK IS BITCOIN?

Simply put, Bitcoin is digital money. For the first time in history, we have a money that is the best money, money can buy. Just kidding.

Bitcoin satisfies all the properties of money that we want and need. Aaaaand, it satisfies them perfectly. Way better than Gold. The properties to judge money on are:

  1. Scarcity – Bitcoin is perfectly scarce, only 21 million ever. Gold? Who knows how much of this stuff is out there. What the heck is all this karat business anyways.
  2. Divisibility – Bitcoin is divided into 100 million satoshi or sats, for short. How do you split Gold exactly? Gold dust anyone?
  3. Portability – Bitcoin is digital, all you need is a communication device. A cellphone, a computer, something. Heck, even a radio would do in a pinch. With Gold, you need big guys with guns. You choose.
  4. Durability – Bitcoin is ones and zeros. Gold is….fine. This one is a draw.
  5. Verifiability – Bitcoin is math. It is math all the way down. But Gold can be fool’s gold. Remember, my friend. All that glitters is not Gold.

    Score: Bitcoin – 5, Gold – 1
    Bitcoin Wins!!

Not convinced? Now for the hard sell. Bitcoin has a fixed supply of 21 million Bitcoin, issued at a regular rate of approximately every ten minutes, until all the Bitcoin are released in the wild.

Little cute gerbils spin in their wheels to churn out your Bitcoin. Not quite, but close. Bitcoin miners do that; but they are not nearly as cute. Some of them are

Bitcoin can be volatile but that’s because it is moody. Some days it is on a high and everyone wants to hang out. Other days it is depressed and people go away. Such fair weather friends, sigh. But over time, Bitcoin is sure to stay the course mapped for its trajectory by its code of honor. Bitcoin Core. Bitcoin is definitely on the up and up.

That’s good news for you, if you hold on to your Bitcoin for dear life (HODL), your life will get cheaper and cheaper. Your purchasing power gets bigger and stronger. It really is the gift that keeps on giving. It is the one you have been waiting for. It is the holy grail, Monty Python.

One last thing. Once all the Bitcoin in the world is out there, papa Satoshi Nakamoto won’t make any more. It is going to be the ultimate FOMO. Don’t get caught out. As Satoshi said, you might want to get some, in case it catches on.

HOW DO I BITCOIN?

You:
Wow. Ok. How do I get some?

Bitcoiner: (that’s me)
That’s easy. You can buy some from CashApp, an exchange, Strike app, River app and so many other places. They are not paying me, wink, wink. No really they are not. But there’s is a catch. There’s always a catch.

You:
What’s the catch?

Bitcoiner:
When you buy Bitcoin from most places, you have to give them your identity. It is called KYC. It stands for Know Your Customer. There are ways to get non-KYC Bitcoin. Some well-known ways is to meet a Bitcoiner in a dark alley and do a deal. Mo? Not your fancy? Fine. You can earn Bitcoin or get it peer-to-peer, as Satoshi intended. There are also sites where you can buy non-KYC Bitcoin. For example, Hodlhodl, Bisq, and Robosats.

Another Bitcoiner:
(this one is toxic so watch out)
You forgot the most important thing about Bitcoin!!! You have to make sure to take custody of your Bitcoin. You have to take it in your hand, in your own wallet. You don’t want someone else to babysit your Bitcoin. Not BlackRock, not Coinbase, not Kraken, not Binance, not CashApp.

(mini meltdown incoming…)

Don’t trust, verify!!! Not your keys, not your cheese!!!

Bitcoiner: (me again)
Uh, thanks Toxic Bitcoiner. Don’t scare the people. I’ll take it from here.

Bitcoiner:
Like I was saying. There are lots of these self-custody wallets. Some are Hot (internet enabled) and some are Cold (dark hole). The cold ones are the most secure, they are hardware. They don’t touch an internet connection. By contrast, the hot ones are software only, just apps on your mobile phone or desktop computer. There are some good hot wallets to start with like Blockstream Green, Bluewallet, Wallet of Satoshi (not available in the US), Phoenix (not available in US), Muun, Samourai Wallet, Sparrow Wallet, Breez, Coinos, Mutiny Wallet and Zeus. I am sure I am forgetting something. Don’t mind me, I get foggy sometimes. For cold wallets, try Coldcard, Foundation Passport, Bitbox or Seed Signer for the techies. Coldcard is the best, in my humble opinion. No, NVK, the creator of Coldcard, is not paying me. What’s that? You say you’re a boomer. No problemo. Try Bitkey. It’s new and very, very user-friendly. Or so I hear. Make sure to download the correct wallet if you are getting a hot wallet to begin with. Don’t get scammed!

You:
This all sounds hard. HELP, I need help.

Bitcoiner:
Say no more. Setup a free 30-minute call with me and I can help you find a way to start. Fair
warning, once you start, you won’t want to stop. Welcome to the Bitcoin rabbit hole. Happy
Bitcoining ₿.

You can email me, simsaa@protonmail.com
If you likey, you can leave me a tip. Oy!..I don’t take dollars. Bitcoin only.